Never Play Pranks in the SAS
by Fearlee
Summary: Alex has been sent back to Brecon Beacons to brush up on his skills in case M16 needs him again. Fox and Snake think he looks really down about it, so they decide to cheer him up by pranking a fellow SAS member...this can't end good. Set after Snakehead


**So this is my first ever fanfic. Enjoy!**

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"Cub seems really down." Snake commented as he watched said teen trudge over to the mess hall for dinner. Fox glanced up from lacing his boots before looking down again, "You know that M16 sent him here to touch up in case they need him again. Do you really think that he _wants_ to be here?"

"I guess not." Snake said with a sigh. During his own previous retraining week a month ago, Fox had told K-unit that Cub worked with him on a mission that M16 had sent them on. The other three in the unit had been shocked, since they all thought that Cub had rich parents who were trying to teach him a lesson by sending him to the SAS. Upon hearing that he was actually a spy, they all went easier on the teen when he came back.

"Hey guys!" Eagle practically shouted as he ran up to Snake and Fox, "I'm starving, can we go eat now?" Fox rolled his eyes, "Are you ever _not_ hungry, Eagle?" The SAS soldier shrugged, "I have no idea, but I heard from J-unit that they actually have edible meat today."

Snake snorted and replied, "The day the SAS serves edible meat is the day that Wolf decides to have a group hug with all of us." Eagle now looked thoughtful, "Hey, do you think a group hug would make him less grumpy?"

A hand suddenly came out of nowhere and cuffed him upside the head, "Eagle, if you dare try giving me a hug, I'll kick your arse so hard I'll leave a footprint on your liver." Wolf glared at the entire unit; warning them that their own fate would be the same if they attempted a group hug.

Eagle rubbed his head, "You didn't have to hit me." He whined, "You could've just said no along with the threat." Wolf focused his glare on the soldier, "Cry a river, build a bridge, and _get over it_. We're going to be late for dinner if we don't hurry."

With that said, Wolf marched over to the mess hall. Still pouting slightly, Eagle followed his leader. Fox finished tying his boots and stood up to follow them.

"I have an idea." Snake said suddenly. Wolf and Eagle were out of earshot, so Fox was the only one who turned to face him with a curious look.

"Why don't we do something to cheer up Cub?" Snake proposed, "My nephews are always laughing about something, and Cub is always dead serious." Fox actually looked thoughtful as he mulled over the idea.

"What would we do?" He finally asked. Snake shrugged, "I don't know, but let's think of _something_. What do teens like anyway?" Fox held out his arms; clearly saying _"How on Earth should I know?"_

Snake shrugged again, "Okay, just tell me if you think of anything."

_**Two days later…**_

"Hey, I think I got something!" Fox said when he walked into K-unit's hut. He made sure that no one was in there aside from Snake so the surprise wouldn't be spoiled. Snake lifted an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"I think I know how we can cheer up Cub." Fox said with an undertone of impatience. Snake set his book aside, "What is it?"

Fox grinned so broadly, it was almost a little scary. Snake was almost prepared to say never mind, but Fox blurted out, "We can play a prank!"

Snake's brow furrowed, "What would the prank be, and who would we play it on?" Fox shrugged, "I don't know about the prank, but I think we should play it on Eagle since he has a much better sense of humor than Wolf."

"Hmm…" Snake thought carefully about the plan. True, a good old fashioned prank could at least make Cub laugh, and Eagle would be the perfect one to prank; especially since he wouldn't be mad once he found out why he was pranked.

"I think that'll work." Snake said slowly, "Now we just need to figure out what the prank is going to be."

* * *

It was the very next day that Snake and Fox came up with a decent prank to play on Eagle. It did involve bribing one of the chefs to pick up a few supplies while he was out picking up food for the soldiers at Brecon Beacons. And the bribing consisted of almost all of Snake's cigarettes along with four nights of kitchen duty (which Snake and Fox would split), plus a promise that the prank wouldn't be played on any of the chefs.

The two SAS soldiers agreed, and the supplies for the prank were delivered in just two days. Then Snake and Fox had to put the prank in place, of course. That was the most complicated part, because they had to make sure that nobody would notice it or accidentally sent it off.

But with some luck, Fox, Snake, and Cub were all inside the hut the night the prank was to take place. All three were reading books, but the two SAS soldiers weren't paying attention to the material in front of them. They kept casting glances at the door every few minutes; waiting for the moment that Eagle would step across the threshold and become the victim to their prank.

Cub, however, was oblivious to the entire plan. All he knew was that his book was interesting, it wasn't raining, and the cool night breeze was coming in through the open window. He was tired and unhappy that he was at Brecon Beacons, but at least he had some down time without the sergeant screaming at him.

"Hey guys!" Eagle's cheery voice sounded from outside the hut. Fox and Snake looked up eagerly; expecting their friend to come bounding into the room and into the prank. Instead, Eagle's head appeared at the open window and he squirmed the rest of his body through the small opening.

When he got to his hips, he had a sheepish look, "Can I get some help?" Fox and Snake were too mortified to do anything. Why the hell was Eagle coming in through the window? And if he was here, then Wolf would…

Cub didn't notice his unit member's expressions as he pulled Eagle the rest of the way through the window, "And you're coming into the hut this way because…?" Eagle brushed the dirt off his pants, "Because we never have the window open because it's usually raining, and I've always wanted to come in through the window. It feels…spy-like."

"If you want to feel like a spy, go to M16; they'll even have madmen shooting at you to complete the feeling." Cub told the man sarcastically. Snake and Fox scrambled up to disable the prank before Wolf arrived.

"Eagle, I just saw you go in through the window," Wolf's voice sounded from just outside the door, "Why on Earth would you~" His voice was cut off as he opened the door and stepped across the threshold.

Now Fox and Snake's prank was nearly as old as time itself. It was the classic _get-a-person-sticky-and-then-dump-feathers-on-him_. While Cub had been napping, Fox loosened the floorboards so they would drop away when pressure was put on them, and he had also dug a small pit. Then Snake put a combination of mud and glue into the pit along with a trip wire that would dump feathers on the person when they tried to get out of the hole.

And Wolf had just stepped into their trap.

As the floorboards gave way under his feet, he shouted out a few curses before sinking completely into the mud and glue mix. Wolf came up a few seconds later; sputtering and swearing as he dragged himself out of the pit.

Then his hand hit the trip wire.

A colorful cloud of feathers poured down on the leader of the unit. Wolf tried to brush them away, but they were already sticking to him like…well, glue.

Fox and Snake were utterly horrified; wondering what painful punishment Wolf was going to give them. Eagle was simply shocked yet slightly curious about the whole event. Wolf was just as surprised, but a super volcano sized rage was building up.*

Then laughter broke through all of their reactions.

K-unit slowly turned to Cub, who was laughing so hard, he was using the window frame to keep himself upright. Fox and Snake were still horrified at the prank, but glad they had managed to break Cub out of his serious mood. Eagle was shocked (once again) that Cub could actually laugh instead of being serious all the time. Wolf's shock was gone, but now his rage was going to be unleashed.

"CUB YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THIS!" He roared as he lunged for the teen. Cub was still laughing as he dive rolled out the window and began to sprint away. Wolf avoided the hole in the floorboards and darted out the door in pursuit.

Fox and Snake (being the slimmer ones in the unit) crawled out the window and joined the chase. Their reason was simply to save Cub from a painful death. Eagle sidestepped the hole like Wolf had done and quickly caught up to Fox and Snake, "What's going on?" He asked.

"Not now!" Fox and Snake snapped. Eagle was unfazed by their tone, "Why was Wolf just pranked?" Since Fox was too focused on getting to Wolf and Cub, Snake explained, "Fox and I wanted to cheer up Cub since he was so down. That prank was meant for you, but you spoiled it by coming in through the window, and Wolf got pranked instead."

Eagle looked hurt, "You were going to prank me?"

"Would have tried to kill Cub if he laughed at you?" Eagle thought for a few seconds and shook his head. "Exactly." Snake said grimly.

The three men were close enough to Wolf to tackle him and explain what happened. Snake felt his muscles ready to spring just as an outraged voice shouted, "What's going on?" Everyone who was running screeched to a halt and turned to face the sergeant.

K-unit and Alex trotted over to the man with blank faces, "Well?" He demanded, "Care to tell me why SAS soldiers are behaving this way?"

"It was a joke, sir." Fox said quickly before Wolf could blame Cub. The sergeant's face grew beet red in anger, "You know what? I don't want to know what the five of you were up to. Just know that you all have kitchen duty for the next two weeks! Dismissed! And Wolf, get cleaned up immediately! You're lucky none of the new recruits have seen you running around in your present condition!"

* * *

"You still have a feather in your hair." Eagle pointed out helpfully to a very grumpy SAS unit leader. Wolf ran a wet hand through his hair and pulled out a green feather. It had taken an hour for him to fully wash off all of the feathers and the mud/glue mix before serving his kitchen duty with the rest of K-unit.

Fox and Snake explained the whole prank to their leader while washing dishes. On the bright side, he stopped sending Cub murderous glares. On the downside, Fox and Snake knew that Wolf was going to extract his revenge in a very painful way.

But surprisingly, he made no moves over the next week to get revenge. Wolf did make them fill in the pit and screw in the floorboards, but that was more of cleaning up after themselves.

So the first night that Fox and Snake thought that Wolf wasn't going to get his revenge, they dropped onto their beds in relief…then jumped off shouting curses and swatting at themselves along with Eagle.

Alex had just sat down himself, so he jumped at the noise and watched in confusion as the three SAS soldiers leapt around the hut in total madness. Getting a closer look at their beds, he noticed that a wide variety of bugs, worms, and spiders were placed on the men's beds along with a decent amount of mud.

Wolf calmly laid down on his bed and switched off the light, "Now you've learned not to play pranks…on _anyone_." Eagle finished swatting the last of the bugs off his body, "Why did you do this to _me_? I had no part in the prank whatsoever."

"You were the one who was stupid enough to come in through the window instead of the door like any other sane person." Wolf replied with a yawn. Fox, Snake, and Eagle sighed and took their mattresses outside to clean them off before sleeping on them.

Alex smiled to himself as he fell asleep. At least Wolf hadn't taken revenge on him since he was the reason that there was a prank in the first place. Then he felt eight hairy legs crawling up the side of his calf.

"Wolf, it wasn't my fault the others played a prank just to cheer me up."

"Maybe. But it just felt more…sensible to get revenge on everyone."

Alex flicked the spider in the direction of Fox's bed, "Goodnight, Wolf."

"'Night, Cub."

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**Remember, it's my first fanfic, so no flames please! Constructive criticism is a much nicer way. As for the little astrict symbol thingy when describing Wolf's anger, there really is such thing as a super volcano. There are about four of them in the world, and one of them is located in Yellowstone Park (U.S.A.). And it would be really, really, bad if any of them erupted any time soon.**


End file.
